Matters of Incomparable Importance

Hey, all you crazy cats and kittens--

I'll be performing this weekend in a benefit for Clowns Without Borders. I'll be busting out some new old worksongs in the interests of world peace, debt relief and the unalienable right to laughter.

Other kickass rockstars and sovereign dread lords performing that evening include the irrepressible Toby "the Patella" Lawrence, the infamous Amy Jo "Thermonuclear" McCarville, and the indomitable Sarah "Liane" Foster. It's like all the planets lining up on a single night, and you can be there, too!

All good people, proud and true, will be gathering at 7 pm on Sunday the 30th of April, at the Old Church in St. Johns. Directions as follows:

The old church is on Central Ave in St. Johns: going
north/east on Lombard, pass the "Welcome to St. Johns"
sign, turn right at the Starbucks, turn right again at
the T (by the community center), look for an old
boarded-up church building on the left. There's a
sign on the building that says "American Wilderness

Very gothic, I know.



Save the Date, all you madcap little prairie dogs. My birthday is coming up, and I'm fixing to storm the Galaxy Karaoke Lounge, down on 10th and E Burnside (across the street from the Doug Fir). Friday, May 12th, starting at 8 pm (my actual birthday is the 11th, but dammit if the Pope can mess around with the calendar, then so can I.) Bring friends and relations, and your customary predilections for unhealthy liquors. Oh, quit your whining, you two-bit unhandsome mis-proportioned reprobate! It's my birthday and it's time you showed me some proper respect. Don't make me bust out a thunderstorm on your pansy-ass.

tho stars in their courses strive against me, I remain,

your milk-chocolate bootylicious funkmaster,



Correction: Our sources tell us that the benefit performance does not, in fact, benefit Clowns Without Borders, but rather Sarah Liane Foster's "Nomadic Theatre Company". Polyform regrets the mistake.


Savtadotty said...

Hey, it's time to think of your global readership! Some of us don't know what country St. John's is in, let alone what state! Could it be the lovely island in the Virgin Island that I once vacationed in? Or is yours an "If you don't know where St. John's is, I don't want you there" kind of invitation?

In any case, I wish you a grand birthday and many many more grand days and lots of celebrations.

sirbarrett said...

I am a ground hog, not a prairie dog. That's ok. I can see how you made the mistake. I am a slim ground hog. Anyway, so glad you've got some new songs up your sleeve and you're administering a good dose of laughter. It is the perfect medicine. What? Looking at Savtadotty's comment now. You're not in Newfoundland Canada are you? St.Johns??? Yes, tell us where you are so that we can stalk you. Happy, happy, happy birthday monsieur. Break a leg!

JJ-Wan Kenobi said...

Since I won't be able to make it to your off-key birthday humiliation will you do me the honour (yes, us Canadians love adding the letter 'u' whenever we can) of wielding the violet-bladed electrum-adorned Mace Window Force FX Lightsaber we bought yer smelly Carhart-wearin' ass whilst you bust out your best Barry White impression?

Remember, Barry knew props were the key to a sexy performance hence the silk hankies he dabbed his brow with as they couldn't get enough of his love...baaabe. So you should add some lightsaber moves to your bidet, er I mean B-day karaoke-ing too! Start watching the Princess Bride for reference moves.

It was good seeing you last weekend for the albeit brief visit that it was. Sorry those J.Crew-wearing kids in North Van didn't appreciate your puppet troll's nose-picking shtick. The rest of us Vancouverites dig that stuff too, trust me.

If you can make it up for the end of May I promise I won't take you to the Tomahawk again, unless Canadian back bacon laced with tranquilizers is what your arteries desire.

Happy advance Birthday wishes from your Kuzz,