An Open Letter to the Heavens Conspiring Against Me

Dear Heavens Conspiring Against Me:

This is getting ridiculous.

First you take away my favorite German scarf. Then, my indispensable Book of Days. Then my excellent and well-beloved Thermos (but I know precisely where that is and I'll be retrieving it tommorrow, you petty excuse for a kleptomaniacal meta-cosmic abstraction). Now, my cell phone...?

If you want a piece of me, you come on down here and face me, you pansy-colored ass-hat.

I. Will. Eat. You.

kind regards,



Sallyacious said...

Just a thought here, have you considered taking a few minutes to just sit and breathe? Maybe the universe is trying to get you to stop and look around you. (Be thankful it's doing it this way. Most people don't listen, and end up getting some kind of physical injury to slow them down.)

paulmonster said...

Yeah, the universe realized some time ago that it'll take more than a few broken bones to grab my attention.


The Lioness said...

Oh no, NOT the mobile!!!